You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Damn victory sex feels great
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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