Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
