Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
