her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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