After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
