We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
