Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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