Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
