I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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