I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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