its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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