my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Let's get the cat blown out
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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