I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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