I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
