i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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