1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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