should my penis look like a turkey
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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