Pappa wants mamma naked
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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