I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
