i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
