What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
