I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
