I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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