And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
and she was petting her beer can
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
