I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize