I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
