I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
