we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He did a backflip because drugs
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
