i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Randomize
