remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
