There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
