Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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