the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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