I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
