dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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