I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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