Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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