so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Randomize
