Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
