A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
