It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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