so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
