This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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