I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
