Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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