i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize