Your tits are I can't wait for
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
