they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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