So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
