So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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