I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize