This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
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