You don't have asthma, your pregnant
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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