she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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