I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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