Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
