like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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