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I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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