White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
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