You were right. It hurts to walk today.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
