I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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