When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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