His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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