just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
