Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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