Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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