You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
