And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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