i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
