so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize