shes about as inviting as chlamydia
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
