I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
