Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Can Purell be used as lube?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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