just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize