She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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