when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I didn't shave. On purpose
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
