I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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