First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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