Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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