I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
