I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The air was thick with penises
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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