Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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