My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
