dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
