HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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