Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
