she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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