Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
