If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
