why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I believe in your delicious
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
