forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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