i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
A+ Viking dick
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
