Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
