Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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