i dedicated my morning wood to you.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize