Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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