i just wanna soil my oats bro
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
