I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
