Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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