are you still at the devil's house?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
